My girlfriend won’t solve the mystery of her new baby
Dear Amy: In the years after college, I had a close circle of friends. As the years passed and our lives took different directions, our contact gradually faded, but we still stayed in touch through Facebook, email, texting, and the occasional dinner meetup.
One of the girls in this group, “Sheila”, moved to another country a few years ago. She was single and “searching”.
In my subsequent communication with her, I have tried not to ask about her dating life as I realize that not everyone likes to be asked about it.
Fast forward to a few months ago. Another friend from that group who was in that country thought she saw a post on a Facebook group (in that country’s language) by Sheila asking for things for a four-month-old baby.
My friend asked me if I knew anything about Sheila having a baby (I didn’t).
My curiosity got the better of me, and I asked another friend of ours who was more closely connected to Sheila if she knew anything about it. She didn’t seem to want to tell me about the situation herself and suggested I ask Sheila directly.
I was embarrassed to bring this up to Sheila out of the blue, but that’s exactly what I did.
She replied that things have been very busy with her and she would like to catch up soon.
I haven’t heard from her for a few months and then just yesterday she texted me and said she had a baby a few weeks ago and that mother and baby are doing fine.
I responded with a congratulations message and said that for some reason I thought she had had a baby before.
She’s very evasive about all this baby news. I’m guessing because this wasn’t done in the traditional way (she didn’t mention a significant other).
Do I just have to wait and see more details about this big milestone in her life?
curious cat
Dear curious: Sheila’s decision to move to another country is starting to make sense!
I’m joking of course. Yes, it’s understandable that her baby news would be of interest to her old friends.
The most respectful way to respond is to respond to her news exactly as she presented it, not to gossip or speculate about others in your circle, and to express your genuine happiness that she and her baby are doing well.
Her previous request for baby stuff could have been for someone else, or it could have been for her first child and this baby is her second.
You need to be patient and allow her to reveal details about her own life in her own way and on her own schedule.
Dear Amy: My uncle and aunt (both 70 years old) are separated after 33 years of marriage.
He bought her a house a year and a half ago — out of state and near her newlywed son, who works there, so she can see him often.
Her other two children are from his first marriage and he seems to prefer them to my aunt as he is much closer to them than she is.
He visits his wife a few times a year and calls her frequently. He pays for all of her expenses and they occasionally take short trips together.
She still can’t figure out why she can’t come home!
Do you have any suggestions as she seems very upset about this situation?
Affected
Dear victims: From your description, it sounds like your aunt got the opportunity and then decided to move away. Did her husband lie to her when he presented her options?
It also sounds like she doesn’t have a legal degree regarding her newly hybridized marriage, which isn’t a marriage.
While her husband’s financial (and occasionally emotional) generosity currently serves her in some ways, her life would be further turned upside down if he suddenly withdrew it, which he could do.
I hope you help her get legal counsel.
Dear Amy: I loved Your response to “Omitted”, who felt bad about not being invited to an annual group outing this year, which she had never attended in the past.
They wrote, “Life offers many opportunities to feel bad if you try hard enough.”
Thanks for the reminder.
Working on it
love work: Often my “wisdom” comes straight from something I’ve had to work on in my own life.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
https://www.mercurynews.com/2022/04/07/ask-amy-my-friend-wont-clear-up-the-mystery-about-her-new-baby/ My girlfriend won’t solve the mystery of her new baby
