Mother marries after divorce: “I can only recommend it”

Pictures of a mother who went on after the divorce by marrying herself

“I didn’t want to wait for someone to love me or depend on someone else to be worthy” (Image: @charlotte.s_journey/mediadrumim)

A divorced mother of two has married herself a year after separating from her wife.

Entrepreneur Charlotte Zum Vörde Sive Vörding from Voorburg in the Netherlands divorced in 2020.

After the two broke up, Charlotte founded the women’s empowerment company Kamasense, which helped her get to grips with her own worth and prompted her to propose to herself.

“I didn’t want to wait for someone to love me or depend on someone else to be worthy,” said Charlotte, 32.

“I’m already worthy. Kind of myself and others, time, kindness, acceptance.

“So with that empty finger that my previous engagement ring had been staring at me at for years, I decided to marry myself. A relationship that will definitely last until the end of my time.

“It took me about a year to work really hard on my self-esteem and mental health to realize that even though my life had been centered around buying a house, getting married and having kids, to to be happy when you truly accept yourself and value your alone time, your goals change.

“In a society where the worth of women is seen as low but the standards we are held up against are so high – we have to be mothers, good mothers but not helicopter mothers, we have to work but not too much , but also have a caregiver, but our babies don’t walk, we must be good wives, but also have an opinion, but not a strong one, we must be beautiful all the time, but not too much makeup, but not too little. It is impossible.

“That’s where it came down to marrying myself.”

Charlotte at her wedding to herself

“The ceremony was so beautiful – it was small with just my closest friends and my brothers” (Photo: @charlotte.s_journey/mediadrumim)

Charlotte proposed in July 2021 and was engaged for three months.

She wore a white gold engagement ring with three stones – one for herself, one for her daughter, who is six, and one for her son, who is also six.

She then hosted a wedding at her flat in September 2021, which cost less than 400 euros (£333).

The flowers cost 50 euros, as do the candles for the ceremony. Charlotte also bought a €50 tiara and her €180 (about £150) dress, which she already had in her closet.

“We had a reception and they showered me with confetti,” she said.

“We drank delicious organic vegan Prosecco, I baked my own vegan wedding cake, we ate and drank and laughed so much.

“I received some beautiful gifts, including a precious bronze work of art depicting two breasts held by two hands. Put your hands on your breasts, you’re strong.’

Eight guests attended, and Charlotte says her family and friends were all supportive.

“They were all on board immediately,” she said.

“They were so excited about it. All of them dressed so beautifully.

“The ceremony was so beautiful – it was small, with just my closest friends and my brothers.

Charlotte when she was younger

Charlotte when she was younger (Image: @charlotte.s_journey/mediadrumim)

“They all read their favorite memory they have of me and what they wish me for the future. Then I read my vows aloud and gave myself the ring.’

The vows she made to herself saw her promise to embrace her body and personality, to be true to herself, to keep trying new things even if they scared her, to remain independent of others, to forgive herself for her mistakes and to love yourself .

“Wearing the ring is a daily reminder of that wonderful evening, but even more of the fact that I can, can and will love myself no matter what,” she said.

“A reminder that I am strong and have overcome so many obstacles that I will keep my boundaries and protect my peace.

“I would highly recommend it, either as a strong conclusion to a mental health journey or as a start, but really embrace it, don’t fake it, make sure you feel it.”

“My demands on a romantic partner are higher. I value myself and my time and I will not allow anyone to waste it on their entertainment.

“I love being alone now, so if someone wants to come into my life, which I welcome, they need to complement it in a positive way.”

Charlotte would love to marry someone else one day, but her marriage to herself will last a lifetime.

She keeps her vows on her makeup drawer as a reminder every day.

You read: “I vow to be true to myself, to embrace my body and personality regardless of other people’s desires. I vow to keep trying new things, even if it scares me, so I can keep learning and growing. I vow to remain independent of others to protect my self worth.

“I vow to allow myself to make mistakes and forgive myself. I vow to love myself, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, because I now know that I am worthy and deserve it. Because I now feel how valuable my self-love is and have experienced that I can do it on my own and that I always have a choice.

“Today I choose myself. This ring is my daily reminder that I can, can and will be true to myself and my children.”

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Sarah Y. Kim

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