IN her new film, Oscar-winner Emma Thompson plays a widow who hires a young escort to revitalize her sex life. And it strikes a chord with older women, including author Kathy Lette, 63.
Here, the Fetal Attraction author explains why she and her friends are dating toy boys — and why these young men find them so sexy.
Age shouldn’t matter – unless you’re into vintage wine.
But unfortunately, while men are being encouraged to sow whole plantations of wild oats, older women are being put on sexual pasture.
Men are given “silver fox” status and stuffed full of vitamin V, but women my age are often dismissed as abominations, hags, and old hands.
We’re led to believe we have the sexual magnetism of a half-thawed patty. I can’t believe the Pope isn’t calling us for tips on celibacy.
But after menopause, we’re actually in our sexual prime. That’s why the new flick Good Luck To You, Leo Grande resonates with my age group.
The fabulous Emma Thompson, 63, plays the retired widow Nancy, who has never had an orgasm – so she hires a young male sex worker.
At the end of the film, she stands naked in front of the mirror, freshly freed, content and totally comfortable in her own skin.
This film strikes a cinematic chord – so many of my postmenopausal friends keep fit by horizontal tangoing with a hot toy boy.
Recently widowed or newly divorced, many women my age have taken younger lovers and are rarely vertical.
After two mutually agreeable divorces, I am now happily living with a man who is eight years younger than me.
The majority of divorces today are instigated by women, and the peak time is when husbands retire.
It can take 70 to 80 years from honeymoon to grave these days — and that’s a long time to find each other’s anecdotes interesting.
The decision to separate can also be attributed to hormonal changes. After menopause, a drop in estrogen and a rise in testosterone means women become a bit more selfish.
We can put ourselves first for the first time in our lives.
The opposite is true for men. As men age, their testosterone decreases and estrogen increases. Therefore, when they retire, they often want to stay at home and “nest”.
But women have nested! We’ve buttered giant toasts and baked herds of lamb and schools of salmon. We now want to go up Everest and down the Amazon.
And free from school runs and homework, we have more time for fun.
If a middle-aged woman is healthy, she’s likely to live to 96, which means there’s still a heck of a lot of sexcapades to enjoy.
‘QUICK FIX SEX OVER THE KITCHEN TABLE’
And thanks to the internet, she can.
Even girlfriends who have always been testy when it came to mouse pad pairing are now busy building online relationships.
Most have been on so many blind dates that they should get a free dog. And the majority of the guys they date are younger.
That makes biological sense. The male of the species reaches his sexual peak in his late teens; the female of the species, after 50.
Recently widowed or newly divorced, many women my age have taken younger lovers and are rarely vertical. After two mutually agreeable divorces, I am now happily living with a man who is eight years younger than me.
Here’s what makes older women so sexy – great sex is about being relaxed and not caring about what other people think of us.
That’s why we don’t feel the need to grow every body hair. We are also uninhibited.
After stripping down to your bra on public transport to relieve a hot flash, what could ever embarrass you again? It’s time mature women were allowed the same sexual freedom as older men, without judgment or stigma.
House of Cards great actress Robin Wright, 56, has spoken out about the sensational sex she had with her ex-boyfriend, actor Ben Foster, who is 15 years her junior.
She said, “I’ve never laughed more, read more, or come more.”
And as one of my friends in her late 60s said to me, “I like to have sex when I’m sad. I like to have sex when I’m happy.
“I like to have sex in the morning. I like to have sex in the evening. I like hours of tantric sex.
“I like quick sex while standing backwards over the kitchen table. Other than that, I don’t have sex unless I’m really, really horny.”
So you see, a younger man with an older woman makes perfect sense.
Of course there will be negative comments.
“So where did you meet?” A male acquaintance asked after I introduced my boyfriend, “An archeological dig?”
Another wanted to know if I would date him or adopt him.
My girlfriend, whose lover is 30 years younger, is constantly told, “Where there’s a will, he really wants to be there.”
The best things in life really are free – laughter, talk, walk, oxygen and orgasms.
In fact, orgasms are like oxygen; no big deal unless you don’t get one.
And that’s why I would say to women my age, forget anti-aging creams, plastic surgery and fad diets. Just put a Toy Boy on your menu.
Go out, be fabulous and take the sex into your sixties.
- Kathy Lette has written 20 books including HRT – Husband Replacement Therapy. With I Don’t Give AS**t Lit, she hopes to create a new, life-affirming literary genre for older women.
“SEX IS THE BEST I’VE EVER HAD”
DIVORCE Jan West, 60, says she’s having the best sex of her life with forklift driver Aled Saint, 49, whom she met seven months ago. Jan from Swansea says:
“I’ve been married, divorced and in long-term relationships. But sex was never that good when I was young.
An ex wanted to make love in the morning but I’m not a morning person. Another never gave pats and wasn’t affectionate to me.
Until now, sex has been boring, fiddly and routine.
Or there was the “let’s get on with it” attitude.
My needs were never met and I wondered what all the fuss about sex was about.
After my divorce in 2010 after 17 years of marriage and having met other men who were useless in bed, I saw no point in going into another committed relationship.
I was single for two years when I met Aled, whose nickname is Snowy, at a New Year’s Eve party. We danced and talked – and I liked him immediately.
When he told me he was 11 years younger, I hesitated because of the age difference.
But he was charming and romantic, always complimented me and didn’t care about my age.
As for the sex – I was blown away. I thought I would be nervous about undressing in front of Snowy.
But I was proud of my body and had always kept myself in reasonable shape.
He was full of energy and could last through the night.
Whenever we met, we would have sex for hours.
Now things are getting better and better and we have sex as much as we can. Instead of a quickie or the obligatory “once a week” fumble, he surprises me with hotel nights and romantic dinners.
Although it’s taken most of my life to enjoy good sex, it’s finally here and I couldn’t be happier.”
‘FULL ORGASMS AT 61’
PODCASTER Suzanne Noble, 61, the co-director of online magazine Advantages Of Age, is in an open relationship with retired academic Peter Marriot, also 61. Suzanne, who lives in London, says:
“The other day I had an overwhelming orgasm. I had slept with Pete for over an hour when I finally let go.
It was luscious sex that felt like it could go on forever.
I never thought I would have such incredible sex in my 60’s until I met Pete in February.
We experiment, we’re honest and we’re totally bedroom compatible – all the ingredients you need.
We also have an open relationship. So far I’ve had sex with another man in his 40’s that I met online.
I feel stronger and sexier than ever. I lost my virginity at 17 and went on to have affairs – which were subtle – until I met my ex-husband when I was 28.
My marital gender was predictable, I wasn’t mature enough to talk about what turned me on.
I had some pretty wild times in my 40s — some of the sex was good, but some was awful. Then I went through menopause in my early 50’s and lost my libido for a few years.
I met a man when I was 56 and we dated four years but he wasn’t affectionate and for the past year we have been celibate. I didn’t want to live like this.
In the past few years I’ve lost two pounds, going from a size 14 to a 10, and I feel more confident than ever.
I’m proud of my body and I deserve a decent sex life – and I have it.”
- Suzanne’s podcast can be found at sexadviceforseniors.com.
https://www.the-sun.com/lifestyle/5595919/toyboy-sixties-best-orgasms/ It makes sense to have a toy boy in my 60’s – I have the best orgasms ever