“I was yelled at and I still can’t figure out why”

Loading

In your question you alluded to the fact that you might have done something to “deserve” it. It sounds like you don’t know what, if anything, you could have done to provoke such anger. dr Kiaos said it’s healthy “to think about one’s possible failure in the situation.”

If, as you said, your “inflammatory” comment was harmless, according to Dr. Be kiao that your colleague has reacted to something that has happened to them or you in the past.

“Could it be that the tea-room encounter, albeit poorly, was interpreted as an opportunity to express an earlier opinion of the reader? There is much research that supports the idea that past trauma often finds expression in everyday life until it is somewhat transcended.

“People can be triggered for a whole range of reasons, from a person’s voice to the content of a conversation and everything in between.”

dr Kiaos said the second perspective could be categorized as sociological.

“Employees constantly evaluate each other in terms of conformance to the social reality of a workplace. In healthy organizational cultures with healthy rules of language and behavior, such situations are unlikely to arise.

Loading

However, in poorly functioning organizational cultures, the dramaturgical or performative nature of such exchanges could be to blame. That is, could the public space of a tea room be used to build an alliance in one’s favor by provoking an attack? Could it be a way to find out what kind of support there is for either party?”

If you think about that point of view, said Dr. Kiaos, you should consider who was present besides the two of you, whether any authority figures were privy to the exchange, and what happened afterward.

What should one do now or – God forbid – if something like this happens again? dr Kiaos said it’s important to keep in mind that there’s a good chance that person will regret their behavior.

“I recommend staying curious, staying very present and actively engaging in a process of broad and narrow interpretation, maybe even oscillating between the two – from the sociological to the psychological and vice versa.

“Coming from a place of curiosity is a worthwhile pursuit. Ask thoughtful questions and, as difficult as it may seem at the time, try to quell a counterattack. If the attack happened because it was triggered, that person will likely reflect on their behavior, apologize, and maybe even thank them for expressing an interest in their opinion.”

According to Dr. Kiaos, “always something to learn by adopting different perspectives”.

Send your workplace dilemma, dilemma or curiosity to Work Therapy by emailing jonathan@theinkbureau.com.au