An in depth pal was supposed to start out her I.V.F. injections on the identical time, however she determined to postpone on the final minute as a result of Covid instances had been so excessive in our space. By that time, we had been so pushed in our pursuit of being pregnant that I used to be startled to listen to her say that, because the thought had by no means even crossed my thoughts.
I’ve no means of figuring out for certain if I used to be uncovered to the virus someday throughout this final fertility remedy. The surgical heart is on a big medical campus that additionally hosts a Covid-19 testing drive-through within the storage the place we parked. We additionally waited, masks on, for nearly an hour outdoors the constructing, which we thought was a safer alternative than the fertility clinic ready room, however that really put us in proximity to numerous sick individuals ready for rides dwelling.
I additionally needed to take away my masks simply earlier than the precise egg retrieval, as a result of I used to be beneath anesthesia and the docs wanted fast entry to my mouth in case I wanted a respiration tube.
5 days after the egg retrieval, we discovered we had been Covid-positive. I referred to as the clinic instantly to warn them; the fertility physician informed me a number of days later that none of her staffers had gotten sick. And in addition that not one of the eggs they retrieved from me had developed correctly. We had no embryos to make use of.
In fact, as anybody who has finished fertility therapies is aware of, all the risks and dangers we undertook would have been “price it” if it had labored. As a result of it didn’t work for us, I felt defeated and silly.
In sum, we wished to provide Goldie a sibling, however doing so could have been what threatened her mom’s life. This thought haunts me and can stick with me endlessly, though I’ll by no means understand how precisely the virus entered our dwelling.
Our nanny, who additionally skilled Covid signs and examined constructive three days earlier than us, may have picked it up on the grocery store. We may have gotten it from her, or whereas strolling round our neighborhood or enjoying within the park. However the act of selecting, time and again, to have interaction in fertility therapies because the pandemic raged on, fills me with doubt and regret.